I'll Take It

Everything's fine,
everything's cool;
nothing to worry me,
the sun's started to shine.

The clouds are parting,
the rain is stopping.
A rainbow's appearing,
the colors are starting.

Where's the pot of gold,
the end of this bow?
I have no idea
but the fantasy holds.

Universe seems mild,
the stars seem aligned;
cosmos is auspicious,
heavens seem to have smiled. 

I'll take this time now
with deep gratitude,
knowing all things can change
any way, any how.

Echoes of Love

Love songs echoing, 
bouncing around off
my empty soul,
hitting my heart
with arrows of darkness.
Silence is the answer
to the song's questions;
heaviness of heart
and painful self-pity,
knowing the question
will never be answered.
The echoes ever reverberating
with nowhere to stop.
The darkness is vacuum
the pain is forever.
My love can never be answered.


©2012 C. Boeneman

Resources for Adults With Asperger's

When will there be resources for ADULTS on the Autism Spectrum?  There is a critical shortage as autistic/Asperger's children grow up to be adults and for those who already are. Who will take this critical need seriously? Where are the researchers, where are those trained to diagnose adults? Where are those trained to help smooth the transition into society? Those who can help train for jobs, for living independently,etc? So far the need far outstrips the supply. See this from PBS: http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/health/jan-june11/autism5adults_04-22.html  and this:http://www.jobs4autism.com/adults-struggle-with-lack-of-services/ . The stories are seemingly endless, including my own. There was no diagnosis when I was a child,so I am looking for resources as an adult. I can't even find someone who can diagnose me. especially since I am unemployed, the common issue for adults with Asperger's even though we are intelligent and talented  and extremely honest. The lack of social skills keeps us from living up to our potential as does the continued discrimination and stigma surrounding the condition. If only there were the resources, people on the high end of the Autism spectrum could contribute in a meaningful way to society and the economy. One option is to provide internships to help prepare us for the workplace. The problem is that most internships are designed for college students without special challenges. They are often seen to be cheap labor. What the adults on the high end of the Autism Spectrum need are internships especially designed for their particular challenges, and that would take a lot of work. Who is willing to put that kind of effort into providing assistance to someone with Aspergers? That is the challenge. That and the research required and the trained professionals and the money. 

So we call on the State and Federal Government to provide for these needs. They will pay off in the long run as we enter the workforce and pay taxes. NIH and NIMH could facilitate much of the research required. Please, someone hear our plea! It makes sense. It is the right thing to do.

Soon

It's coming up soon
my turn to leave.
It'll be opportune
though  you may grieve.

I cannot stay here,
I must go now;
it's time to disappear,
to die, I  vow.

The pain is too great,
with no reprieve
and is a constant state;
don't preconceive.

Oppressive,
it is extreme;
seems to be progressive,
I want to scream.

Let me go now,
don't hold me here
anyway you know how;
my death is near.

Ode to Death

There is much to be said for the grim.
The blackness that calls funeral hymns.
The ravens gather as if to celebrate
another soul left to seek the one Gate.
There is freedom in the leaving;
There is infinite tapestry weaving.
The seal of the final, wax from the ring.
Chorus from the netherworld sings.

The tunnel awaits, so does the light,
but what lies beyond is an unknown sight.
Seek it or fear it,  THAT is the question.
To be or not to be is the same equation.
Many are drawn to the power of light
energy that draws souls to the bright.
But some are afraid of the power therein
and shun the light due to original sin.

Darkness can be comforting to these;
the quiet and coldness offer peace.
Some seek it from the very start
knowing they don't deserve to take part.
So they seek the dusty, dank grave
knowing that their soul can't be saved.
It's  a good thing they seek then,
eternal quiet for those women and men.

Turning It In

I hereby turn in my soul.
I think I am done with it.
You can have it back.
Anyway, it doesn't fit.

It always was way too large
for a person small minded;
couldn't stretch that far,
The brightness of it blinded.

The body sought rejection
from the very beginning.
They should have melded
but there was no imprinting.

At last, I could take no more,
the pain was way too much
I have to leave now
And abandon it as such.

Thanks for the loan, I never
intended it this way.
I tried hard, you know,
I just cannot stay.

Divine Punishment

"You are a punishment from God,"
they say with such certainty.
I know they believe it;
it's hard not to feel odd.

Yes, I'm unique and different
maybe with some social quirks.
But am I a sanction
from the Divine Referent?

It sure feels that way many times,
like I'm  totally worthless,
that I have no place here,
my being a cosmic crime,

I do not want to live this way,
I do not want to exist.
I want to escape life
and finally go away.

©2012 C. Boeneman