Someone who cares...NOT

"If you are going to have psychiatric problems at least do it around someone who gives a shit."  I witnessed this understandable, if callous reaction to someone who has gone through 5 years of hell. The person reacting that way was somehow related to a Congressman who lived in that neighborhood. She was riding a bicycle towing a little trailer with a child in it also in a bicycle helmet so I couldn't tell who she was. Her bitchiness was obviously directed at my friend since there was no one close enough for her statement to be directed at anyone else. My friend understands her lack of compassion, she has felt that way about HERSELF. In fact, she states quite often that no one can be harder on her than she is herself.

For the past year she had been receiving excellent care from Easter Seals. Her life had stabilized and was told she didn't need individual therapy any longer. She has  not been quite in agreement with that but agreed that the worst appeared to be over. The problem is that she has begun having new symptoms: inability to put more than one sentence together that makes any sense. It has her quite frightened. She has some others alarming symptoms too. Then last week she received a letter from the DHS that SNAP and Medicaid were closing her case. The questions abound: Why close it now? Is there any connection to the date of October 1st which is also the day the Marketplace starts accepting applications?  Whatever the case, she has some serious physical illness as well as the Bi-Polar, PTSD and major depression.  She is now even more frightened that she was a year ago. When she gets frightened her Bi-Polar kicks in. Yesterday she had a barium swallow test and they showed her the x-ray - quite clearly there was fluid of some type above her stomach.  It is NOT supposed to be there. She also has trouble swallowing.  So she is afraid of being ill without health insurance until.
January1st. 

The reason the case was closed on her was, it turned out was because her SSDI was also being closed out. She has to go to a hearing and to apply again. She already had a meeting with her case worker's boss and he talked so fast her head was spinning. She was told to sign a report and never gave her the chance to read it before signing. She suspects that it was a waiver of the full hearing. It just seems wrong.  If the hearing DOES take place she will be at a distinct disadvantage given her problem with her speech AND not knowing  anyone who could be her advocate. 

So she is afraid again. We are both afraid what will happen with her SSDI. Even on SSDI and on Medicaid she will be below the poverty line and unable to get the medical care she needs. Nor will she be able to afford to get her 12 medications which comes to a LOT of money without Medicaid. Her fears are very real. And neither of us knows what will happen.  

Maybe she doesn't give a ** either.

MI Dems

One of the problems with the Democratic Party in Michigan is that it is cliquish. Case in point: The convention is brutal to novices. The convention is just a place where elected delegates go to be ignored.  People with disabilities get platitudes not inclusiveness. I was at this past convention and attended the disabilities caucus. Everywhere else the candidates for the head of the state party made big entrances to rally the votes. In the disability caucus they barely made an appearance. The party goes all out in support of the other caucuses but the disability caucus  is left on the outside looking in. I don't think the party needs to give up anything except the overwhelming condescension to new delegates and the disabled. I believe that this is the basic problem - a lack of true inclusiveness.  I know, for instance, that I will be shunned for even expressing this (of course it doesn't matter too much since the Party has never heard any thing I say). It SHOULD be possible to disagree without being shunned as a troublemaker.. The Democratic party in Michigan OUGHT to welcome different voices and points of view. The differences can make the the party stronger. Groups of any persuasion need to have unity in the midst of diversity.The diversity is the breath of fresh air required when a group or movement becomes too stodgy and set in it's ways. The trick is how to revive not revile.We will know that has happened when we can talk about differences and transform the sticking points into walking points.

Testimony for Public Hearing

Mr. Calley, Honorable State Senators and Representatives, ladies and gentlemen. I am glad for this opportunity to speak about my experiences with the mental health system in the State of Michigan.

I could easily spend my allotted time talking about the lack of health insurance since it was a large part of my struggle. However, that is for another hearing on another day. Suffice it to say, the lack of insurance took its toll. I had other stresses like being unemployed, the end of unemployment benefits, my inability to find a job, to name just a few.

My journey started when I fell ill during a Forth of July parade.  I had been walking on behalf of a politician who will remain nameless. I was taken to the hospital for heat exhaustion, This was an added stress because I worried about how I was going to pay the hospital bill. The worry led to many panic attacks but after about a month I learned  that the hospital bill was paid for as well as the ambulance .

My best guess about what started my descent into the darkness  is that the weight of the previous three years: unemployment, no health insurance, our home mortgage being "underwater," and bill collectors calling several times a day all led me to feeling overwhelmed. I could not see a way out of my mess. I became very depressed and suicidal. I found myself acting impulsively one minute,up and full of energy but the next down the slippery slope of depression. A friend suggested I check out #211. I found a miracle. I am alive today because I made that telephone call to Common Ground which referred me to Easter Seals. They started the process of getting me a  diagnosis and into individual therapy. In the meantime, however, I still had suicidal impulses. It wasn't until I applied for and was granted Social Security and Medicaid that I felt less afraid and secure. It was a great relief.

Medicaid, Social Security, SNAP,  Easter Seals and Common Ground have been my lifeline and I know they are there for many others. Finally I had a little hope, just knowing that I wasn't alone and that there was light at the tunnel. I became aware of why and how I got to the point of ultimate desperation, that it was a toxic combination of Bi-Polar, PTSD and Asperger's Syndrome and  anxiety. For the first time  I began to make sense of the factors that got me in trouble in every work place. I also came to understand that I have a lot of work to do yet with help from a number of medications which work but only if I take them which I have been doing..

The hardest part of dealing with chronic long-term mental illness is the fear that the help will get cut creates more anxiety.Also difficult was accepting help. which was a step in the right direction. I was fortunate the assistance was there and not cut to the bone. If the funding isn't there how many people will fall through the cracks? Even one person is too many.

I have to say that while the mental health system could be better in some respects, it nevertheless made a great difference in my life. Please do not cut the funding that helps so many with treatment for those  of us who were and still are needing assistance . Without treatment, heaven only knows what will happen to us.

Testifying here is a risk for me, I don't often speak about last year because there is still a great deal of stigma attached to mental illness. One thing that needs to done to improve the mental health system would be working to lessen that stigma. It took me a lot to reach out for help and I'd hate to see any more people  who are like me in every respect except they don't find the help they need.  Please do not make it even more difficult for the desperate. Thank you.