Someone who cares...NOT

"If you are going to have psychiatric problems at least do it around someone who gives a shit."  I witnessed this understandable, if callous reaction to someone who has gone through 5 years of hell. The person reacting that way was somehow related to a Congressman who lived in that neighborhood. She was riding a bicycle towing a little trailer with a child in it also in a bicycle helmet so I couldn't tell who she was. Her bitchiness was obviously directed at my friend since there was no one close enough for her statement to be directed at anyone else. My friend understands her lack of compassion, she has felt that way about HERSELF. In fact, she states quite often that no one can be harder on her than she is herself.

For the past year she had been receiving excellent care from Easter Seals. Her life had stabilized and was told she didn't need individual therapy any longer. She has  not been quite in agreement with that but agreed that the worst appeared to be over. The problem is that she has begun having new symptoms: inability to put more than one sentence together that makes any sense. It has her quite frightened. She has some others alarming symptoms too. Then last week she received a letter from the DHS that SNAP and Medicaid were closing her case. The questions abound: Why close it now? Is there any connection to the date of October 1st which is also the day the Marketplace starts accepting applications?  Whatever the case, she has some serious physical illness as well as the Bi-Polar, PTSD and major depression.  She is now even more frightened that she was a year ago. When she gets frightened her Bi-Polar kicks in. Yesterday she had a barium swallow test and they showed her the x-ray - quite clearly there was fluid of some type above her stomach.  It is NOT supposed to be there. She also has trouble swallowing.  So she is afraid of being ill without health insurance until.
January1st. 

The reason the case was closed on her was, it turned out was because her SSDI was also being closed out. She has to go to a hearing and to apply again. She already had a meeting with her case worker's boss and he talked so fast her head was spinning. She was told to sign a report and never gave her the chance to read it before signing. She suspects that it was a waiver of the full hearing. It just seems wrong.  If the hearing DOES take place she will be at a distinct disadvantage given her problem with her speech AND not knowing  anyone who could be her advocate. 

So she is afraid again. We are both afraid what will happen with her SSDI. Even on SSDI and on Medicaid she will be below the poverty line and unable to get the medical care she needs. Nor will she be able to afford to get her 12 medications which comes to a LOT of money without Medicaid. Her fears are very real. And neither of us knows what will happen.  

Maybe she doesn't give a ** either.

Testimony for Public Hearing

Mr. Calley, Honorable State Senators and Representatives, ladies and gentlemen. I am glad for this opportunity to speak about my experiences with the mental health system in the State of Michigan.

I could easily spend my allotted time talking about the lack of health insurance since it was a large part of my struggle. However, that is for another hearing on another day. Suffice it to say, the lack of insurance took its toll. I had other stresses like being unemployed, the end of unemployment benefits, my inability to find a job, to name just a few.

My journey started when I fell ill during a Forth of July parade.  I had been walking on behalf of a politician who will remain nameless. I was taken to the hospital for heat exhaustion, This was an added stress because I worried about how I was going to pay the hospital bill. The worry led to many panic attacks but after about a month I learned  that the hospital bill was paid for as well as the ambulance .

My best guess about what started my descent into the darkness  is that the weight of the previous three years: unemployment, no health insurance, our home mortgage being "underwater," and bill collectors calling several times a day all led me to feeling overwhelmed. I could not see a way out of my mess. I became very depressed and suicidal. I found myself acting impulsively one minute,up and full of energy but the next down the slippery slope of depression. A friend suggested I check out #211. I found a miracle. I am alive today because I made that telephone call to Common Ground which referred me to Easter Seals. They started the process of getting me a  diagnosis and into individual therapy. In the meantime, however, I still had suicidal impulses. It wasn't until I applied for and was granted Social Security and Medicaid that I felt less afraid and secure. It was a great relief.

Medicaid, Social Security, SNAP,  Easter Seals and Common Ground have been my lifeline and I know they are there for many others. Finally I had a little hope, just knowing that I wasn't alone and that there was light at the tunnel. I became aware of why and how I got to the point of ultimate desperation, that it was a toxic combination of Bi-Polar, PTSD and Asperger's Syndrome and  anxiety. For the first time  I began to make sense of the factors that got me in trouble in every work place. I also came to understand that I have a lot of work to do yet with help from a number of medications which work but only if I take them which I have been doing..

The hardest part of dealing with chronic long-term mental illness is the fear that the help will get cut creates more anxiety.Also difficult was accepting help. which was a step in the right direction. I was fortunate the assistance was there and not cut to the bone. If the funding isn't there how many people will fall through the cracks? Even one person is too many.

I have to say that while the mental health system could be better in some respects, it nevertheless made a great difference in my life. Please do not cut the funding that helps so many with treatment for those  of us who were and still are needing assistance . Without treatment, heaven only knows what will happen to us.

Testifying here is a risk for me, I don't often speak about last year because there is still a great deal of stigma attached to mental illness. One thing that needs to done to improve the mental health system would be working to lessen that stigma. It took me a lot to reach out for help and I'd hate to see any more people  who are like me in every respect except they don't find the help they need.  Please do not make it even more difficult for the desperate. Thank you.

Dear GOP

What do you want of me? I am poor and unemployed and disabled. I have been unemployed since 2009, have been unable to find a job and the stress from this, my finances, my mother's health and the loss of my own access to health care finally took their toll. I crashed emotionally and became very depressed and suicidal.  I did not have insurance so I was afraid to seek help but I did anyway. I was referred to Easter Seals where I received help applying for Social Security and Medicaid/SNAP. When these were approved, I had my diagnoses and appropriate treatment begun, my life started to even out. I now know that I am Bi-Polar, suffer from major-depression and have a mild form of autism. It was the autism which caused my problems in work environments but I didn't know that for most of my life. Now that I do, my life makes far more sense and I know what I can and cannot do. Most work settings are NOT appropriate for me.

Just as I got my life in order, I started hearing things like, "GOP seeks to cut Social Security", "GOP seeks cuts to SNAP" "Michigan GOP blocks Medicaid Expansion".  Exactly what do you want from people like me? You have no problem continuing tax breaks for the wealthiest 1% but people like me are expected to fall through the now tattered and torn social "safety net." While the wealthy live high on the hog, the poor, the elderly and the disabled are expected to just go away.  Each and every day you make it more difficult for us to get help. You seem to prefer if 1 out of every 6 people in this country go hungry. Somehow you think it wrong that the unemployed receive the benefits we need to survive. You seem to prefer if 45 million Americans go without health insurance. It is better, in your minds, that the poor, elderly and disabled face hunger, hopelessness and homelessness than the wealthy be asked to pay one more cent in taxes. The logic and morality of that stance eludes me. It certainly isn't consistent with the preaching and life of the Jesus you all seem fond of in the abstract. Jesus healed the sick and fed the hungry. He overturned the tables of the moneychangers in the temple. He told the rich young man to give away everything in order to be able to follow him. The Jesus of the Bible doesn't seem to be the Jesus of the GOP or Tea Party.

None of what you say or do about those in need makes any sense to me. If the unemployed receive what we need to survive then money would go back into the economy and more jobs would be created. If the poor receive SNAP, once again, not only do we eat (and therefore do not get sick and create pressure on the health system) but we also buy food and help to create jobs and help the economy. If  45 million Americans have health insurance then we will not need to use the more expensive emergency rooms for routine illnesses. These alternatives make far more sense but who am I to question your ability or motives?

I am a citizen who votes, one who participates in the electoral process. I am not like your corporate handlers who buy their way to power. But your wealthy friends and you do not represent America.  The United States is better than your limited vision.  America can stretch further than you can see. We can take care of one another and we will, in spite of you and without your narrow point of view.

Altered Reality

Disease melting sanity,
overreaching defenses,,
breaking down barriers
like a Hollywood horror.
Infecting a person's mind,
transforming personality,
distorting perceptions
and mind altering reality.
No one must know,
the alien must be hidden
inside and kept quiet;
It must not escape.
It cannot be contained
and finds it's way through
to the surface and shows
itself to an unsuspecting
world, which is unprepared
for the changed and afflicted
victim that was their friend.
It is mental illness.

Is The Democratic Party Inclusive Enough?

I find it interesting that since I have developed severe depression (currently seeking help), I have been uninvited from volunteering for democratic campaigns. Most notably,  Sander Levin for Congress. This hurts the most because the first political campaign I ever worked on was when Sandy Levin ran for Governor of Michigan in 1974. I was in high school and spent a lot of time stuffing and licking envelopes, licking stamps and making phone calls. He has been my congressman for most of the time since 1984 and I worked on campaigns for him off and on, especially in 1992 when I was precinct captain. The off years mostly had to do with work schedules. I have always been a supporter of the congressman. Now, to be uninvited from being a volunteer makes me a little sick to my stomach. Yes, I am suffering from depression. I would think it would be understandable given the fact that I have been unemployed for 3 1/2 years, have no income, no health insurance, no assets and my 78 year old mother has Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma but still has to work in order to keep a roof over our heads. I have creditors dogging me day and night and our condo is worth less than 1/4 of what it is mortgaged for. So yes, I AM depressed. I can't find a job and that makes me feel worthless in and of itself.  

A large part of the reason I got involved with the Obama Campaign in February as a Spring Fellow was to keep myself busy and work on a great cause. Not to mention having something I could put on my resume. I was feeling really good about myself during that period. But the Fellowship ended and the leadership changed in Oakland County and I ended up the odd one out. I needed to be hired on a Field Organizer in order to be able to afford to keep driving to Pontiac but that didn't happen. So, I started volunteering for Sandy Levin. I did mailings, phone calling, walked in parades and a lit drop. Then the depression  and generalized anxiety disorder really hit and suddenly I was no longer welcome. 

I find it fascinating that so many people in his district are either unemployed and suffering from mental illness or both. They/we are still voting constituents. The mentally ill still deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Yes, it is uncomfortable sometimes. But if  someone with a mental illness (especially depression) wants to volunteer, why shouldn't they? Why shouldn't people with mental illness or 
developmental disabilities be active in the Democratic Party? This is another challenge to the Democratic Party to be as inclusive as they claim to be.  

*ALL content herein is the opinion of the author