Had Enough

All I want is hope.
I can't seem to buy it.
Looking everywhere
finding less than none.


It almost seems like 
someone is against me
trying to hurt me
just for their own fun.


Everything I try
to get help for myself
doesn't seem to work;
I'm coming undone.


Why won't anything
go right for me these days?
Everything I do
seems to get me shunned.


I'm giving up now;
I've really had enough.
No one wants me here
so I say I'm done.

Gift or Burden?

I thank you God
for all good gifts:
for life, for health for food.
But I have just
a few complaints;
was hoping that you would
listen to me
vent for a few
I'm in that kind of mood.


I really hate
just being me;
would like it if you could
make me into
one like others
It really would be good.
I'm too unique
and too damaged
and feel misunderstood.


My brain is not
like most people's,
doesn't work like it should.
I have no idea
from what I should eschew.
What should I say
or what to do
so that I seem less crude?
I want to fit
with social norms,
want to be less like wood.


I have no place
here as it is
I feel like I intrude.
Why did you make
someone like me;
a mistake, I conclude.
Tired of trying
to be like them
I think I came unglued.


I just want out
Please let me go.
I don't want to delude
myself anymore.
Or bother those
who think I am rude.
If you won't do that,
can you help me
accept myself as good?

Color My World

Fear colors the world
a deep shade of blue;
creating feelings
to match the hue.


Anger tints it all
a bright scarlet red
as it turns inward
wanting me dead.


Hopelessness is grey,
cloud's claws crawl, enter,
squeezing happiness
out nerve center.


Gratitude changes
the shade and the tint
Attitude is pink,
sparkle and glint.


When I'm feeling blue
I try to recall
appreciation
once and for all.

Walls and Bridges

Brick upon brick
joined with mortar
building them high
making them strong.
Built around things
they form a wall
Built over holes
they become a bridge.
Stone around soul
wood over hope
One is not seen,
one set aflame. 
Knock down the wall
killing psyche.
Burn down the bridge
while still on it.


You can still jump.

Slamming Doors

Hearing the sound of slamming doors,
Immediate interception
and being followed.
Recipe for paranoia
or for a growing awareness
of people afraid.
It really is disheartening
or maybe more like depressing:
Why do I exist?
If people want me gone that much
maybe I should disappear
so they can relax.
Get on with your lives, I'm not worth
the anxiety I cause in you.
I'd never harm you.
It hurts that you need to avoid
me so much you go and hide.
But I understand.
So I will say, "Goodbye" to you
and to the world which hates me so.
I am so sorry...

Where Do You Turn

Where do you go
when there's no place to turn,
when you need help
when you have been spurned?


What do you do
when you're over the edge,
when you reach out,
find only the ledge?


Who do you know
who might see what you need
when you're falling
with increasing speed?


When do you show
people that you need aid?
Can you request
help while you're afraid?


Why is it hard
to just come out and ask
for what you need,
stop wearing a mask?


How do you stop
fearing being ignored
let down your guard,
have your faith restored?


I do not know
the answers to give you
except to say:
Just try it:  do.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow has never been my friend
so I have no idea why I should
decide now to give it one more try.


Tomorrow is always round the bend
making promises to me, "You could"...
somehow always turning out a lie.


Tomorrow never comes in the end.
Hope is an illusion, it's no good
waiting around, so I say good-bye.


C. Boeneman
6/24/2012

In Articulo Mortis

She is a fleshly ghost
Who walk and breathes,
Yet lives not.

She is a sorrowful
Sight who all her
Dreams forgot.

Her soul-less bones walk in
An endless night;
a six-foot plot

That cannot support the
Weight of living,
Growing crop.

She smells the dank decay
Of loveless life's
Deathly rot.

She is a fleshly ghost
Who walks and breathes,
Yet lives not.
  

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