Exiled

 

 

 

Cast out

like so much refuse,

scattered around,

meant to be crushed

under foot.

 

Forced at last

to flee for her life,

exiled from all

that she loves

and holds dear.

 

With no hope

of return soon,

if at all,

she settles in

her cave of despair

 

The exile stares

into the hole

called oblivion

and sees no bottom

only the end.

 

Yin Yang

The meaning of life includes death.
Birth implies burial, 
up implies down.
Existence enfolds emptiness,
sadness the clown.

There is nothing without something
no goodness without evil.
The sun points to rain
Love requires indifference, 
Hatred the same.

Complexity requires simplicity
The Many are still One.
Divided needs unity,
One second, eternity, while
Tyranny points to the free.

Yin and Yang is cosmic truth
the concept is universal.
All that is and is not
All that was and will be,
What could be and what cannot.

Embrace the opposites
in ourselves and each other;
feminine and masculine.
It is a true paradox,
we are all both yet just one.

Ice

Icy grey attitude
solid, frozen anger;
arrow aimed and shot,
made of crystal cold.

Marbled intensity,
frostbitten fear flying;
missiles strike, war is fought.
emotions uncontrolled.

Diamond desperation
chills to the inward bone.
Hardened spear hits the spot;
icicles of ire scold.

Sandy friction loosens
the grip of iced longing;
trampling all tempting thoughts,
plotting ever to be told.

Leaven raises and is warming,
melts the coldest of hearts;
Love's arrows freely sought
penetrate, defeat cold.

©2012 Cherie Boeneman

Peril and Hope

The latest projections by the Huffington Post have the GOP retaining control of the House of Representatives, even adding a few seats to their majority. It is unclear whether the Democrats will retain control of the Senate. I can see now why Sandy Levin wants to retire: he might not want to continue to fight the Republicans on every single thing. I read that he refuses to play political games and that's all the GOP knows how to do. I might be tired of it too if I were him. I know how tired of it I am as a citizen. But that is precisely why we need him to win this election. We desperately need people like him. We need his decency, his competency and the refusal to play games. This county's only hope is in people like Sandy Levin. If the worst happens and Romney also, somehow (by hook or by CROOK) wins and the House GOP maintains and extends their control and the Democrats lose control of the Senate then this country is doomed without voices like his. Still, I would understand at his age the desire to retire. I see it regularly in my own mother.

People like Sandy are our hope inside the government. But the ultimate hope is in the people of the United States of America:. the hope that we will fight to keep our voices for truth and social justice alive and strong so that we might fight the corruption and greed and lust for power of the GOP and their corporate masters. We must fight to reverse the trend towards government surveillance of citizens whether or not  we are guilty of anything other than patriotism . The Patriot Act was but one example of this trend. There have been many others: NDAA, FISA,the projected use of drones in American cities...all are efforts to control an increasingly restive population. But they are doomed to failure just like the dictators in Africa and the Middle East if we fight for our rights as they are given to us by God and the US Constitution. It is a fight of faith, personal and civil. It doesn't mean violating the separation of church and state. It means the exact opposite: it means upholding that gulf between the two in order to preserve our liberties. When the forces of religion, corporations and government merge, heaven help the people of the United States. We must be the voices and bodies to stop that awful possibility and reality. Occupy Wall Street may be one of the shining examples in this struggle; citizens uniting for a greater cause than themselves. That is, and will continue to be, the great hope for this country, the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.


P.S.  I realize Sandy Levin voted FOR all the above awful legislation but on all other matters he has been and is on the side of justice and fairness. In addition, his opponent in the new MI 9th district is just awful and a Tea Party advocate. 

Where the Wind Blows (Haiku)

Wind blows where it wills,

Whispering as it travels;

Freedom's pure form.

Uphill (Haiku)

Uphill to nowhere

That is how it feels most days

Dirty, muddy path.

The Politician

Please explain why...
You hate when I love you,
why you hurt me when I want you,
why you make me want to die?

Please explain why...
You don't seem to want my help;
I have the needed expertise.
Why do you have to make up lies?

Please explain why...
You have shut me out wholly
I have given you many years
The kind of help you cannot buy.

Please explain why...
You reject this volunteer?
Due to her disabilities?
rejection makes me want to die.

Please answer...


©2012 Cherie Boeneman

Fall Tree (Haiku)

Fall...my mood today.

Tired tree dropping leaves

Seeking a long rest.

Falling

Down....
Like an elevator in free fall,
but spiraling out of control
nothing to stop my plunge
emotional gravity pulls
until I find the inevitable
Bottom...

Panic

Surrounding noise,
suddenly so far away; 
light-headed, shaking.
Can't breathe,
I want to run,
unable to sit still.
It is actually painful
to remain in one place.
I want to scream.
I do cry and shake 
and cry some more.
I need to escape,
run from the pain,
somewhere, anywhere, 
but there is no escape.
It is always with me.
It is like a choker 
around my throat.
Finally, not being able
to escape or get better
I make the Leap 
of  Concrete Faith.

Icy Hell

Hell on earth arrives

With icy blue eyes stabbing,

Freezing all feeling.

Ghost Walking

Bones that walk,
skeletons that talk;
living who are not,
conscious without thought.

Paradox 
quite unorthodox;
death where life should be,
thought, no sympathy.

Ghostly pale,
yet it can exhale.
No one ever sees;
this spirit can breathe.

Frustration
but ideation.
needing and wanting,
love but not haunting.

It can't be,
ever to be seen,
ever to be held;
all emotions quelled.

. 

Time

Time

Tick Toc

Terrible, Threatening ,Toxin

Tyrant, Terrorizing

Termination

Instant
Immediate, Illusory
Incredible, invalidating, Incinerating
Insinuating, infiltrating
Infliction.

Maximum
Massive, Melting
Monstrous, Maddening, Misery
Murder, Massacre 
Multiplication.

Eternal
Everlasting, Eviscerating
 Evaporating, Exasperating, Enraging
Exhausting, Evacuating, 
Emotion.

Mania Anacrostic

Irritability
Terrible tremors
Severe, serious shaking.

Movement
Aggressive anger
Never needs naps
Increased impulsiveness including imbibing
Always anguished awareness and awake.


©2012 Cherie Boeneman

Heartbeat (Haiku)

Life has a heartbeat

A pulse unique to each

Beating to its time.

Two Visions, One Election

It seems like there are two visions of politics and they are always at war. The first is that politics is for the betterment of the whole of humanity,of uplifting everyone. The second is that politics is to secure power for a select few who will rule the rest. We see that quite plainly in this election in the United States. Barack Obama has a vision that would "lift all boats". Mitt Romney insists that his vision will reward the rich and those rewards will somehow (never explained how) trickle down to the rest of the population. The fact that Trickle Down has been the dominant conservative theory for decades and has yet to work does not seem to faze him. He remains steadfast (or not) in his conservative fake world.This world is built strictly for the consumption of the population of citizens who really, at bottom, want to be rich and think Trickle Down will be the answer. Of course, the rich conservatives have no intention of ever letting that happen.

Obama, on the other hand, remains steadfast in his somewhat liberal hope for change. It is, of course, given the reality of human nature, hopelessly naive and I have to think that he knows it. The conservative power brokers will never allow the full vision to be realized and will always try to block as much as possible and to roll back any social progress that has been made.

Both of these perspectives have been labeled by Reinhold Niebuhr, Christian Theologian. He called the conservatives "The Children of Darkness" for their persistent reliance on the sinfulness and greed of human beings. They know, what the other side fails to realize, which is that people will ALWAYS do what is in their own self-interest. On the other hand are the liberals, which he calls the "Children of the Light". This would sound positive until you realize that Niebuhr viewed them as hopelessly foolish and naive. They see the world through "rose colored glasses." Humanity will inevitably progress and will overcome the evil that stands in the way of social improvement. Niebuhr sees the foolishness of thinking that people are that noble. But neither are they as malevolent as the Children of the Darkness want to believe. The interesting thing about human beings is the wonderful mixture of sinful, selfish,greedy men and women along with the noble creatures which seek the Kingdom God on earth.

The bottom line is that it is the dialectic between the two elements, the Children of the Darkness and the Children of the Light that informs politics and the way of the world. This dialectic is required for society to work.

The problem at the current time is that the Children of the Darkness are being obstinate and refusing to participate in the dialectic. It is their way or no way. The Children of the Light are continually frustrated by the lack of movement in the dialectic. What is required of them is to see that this strategy by the CoD is just another ploy based in their world view. In order to move the dialectic, the CoL have to call them out for what they are, to preach the Truth, to be Prophets, if you will. They must cry in the wilderness until the People hear with their inner ears and hearts.

This election is all about that inner ear. Will the People hear? Will they see that ultimately, neither the Cod or the CoL will prevail untouched. Democracy simply will not allow it. Democracy is the dialectic.

Fragmentation

Part of my personality
seem to dissipate,
disappear into thin air
as I watch and wait.

I sense the pieces leaving me,
I feel far away
and voices seem quite distant;
my soul goes astray.

My disintegrating spirit
screams in great distress,
goes unheard by anyone
as it's dispossessed.

How can the several  fragments
be reconnected
What process will be employed,
used and directed?

That scares me more than the illness;
almost has to pain
as much as tearing apart
sections of the brain.

But if agony is required
to get the outcome
of entire cohesion
I'll gladly take some.


©2012 Cherie Boeneman

The Other Guy

If eyes are the window to the soul
his soul is on the way to Hell;
Creepy and distant,
blue but vacant.

He reminds me of those guys who shoot
innocent folks for the pleasure;
Paranoid and strange,
He looks deranged.

He's running for a seat in Congress
but we really cannot afford
to elect him now;
crazy, and how.

Season and Time (Haiku)

Leaves yellow and gold

Falling and spiraling down

Like season and time.


©2012 Cherie Boeneman

The Split

How is it that there is
this split of feelings;
one made of  heavenly love,
the other made in the abyss.

I do not understand
how I can be two
completely different souls,
it is difficult to withstand.

I don't want to hate you
but right there it is;
one minute the feeling's there
and I do not know what to do.

But then there is craving,
a flame burning bright;
a feeling that consumes me
with love and heat that is scathing.

They have a name for it,
say its Bi-Polar.
It's funny, I don't feel ill;
I feel two ways, I do admit.

But then there are the times
when I'm so depressed
I cannot get out of bed
or I can't leave the house' confines.

So I guess it is true:
I am divided.
Sometimes I am on a high,
but at other's I'm a deep blue.

©2012 C. Boeneman

All That's Left (Anacrostic #4)

Ice blue eyes

Hew my soul,

Aid  the foe;

Take what's left

Ends in theft.

Yet there was

Once some care

Ugly mood sighs.

©2012 Cherie Boeneman

Beware Politicians!

I have decided to follow God
not the elected officials
I want to stay away from evil
and from very blatant fraud.

I want to restore my sanity
it fled when I got too involved
Trying to get it back takes much work
fleeing inhumanity.

They can literally drive you mad.
They will use you and will abuse you
then toss you like yesterday's garbage.
It can hurt and make you sad..

I'll not volunteer for them again.
Politicians are for themselves
People need to know this when they vote
and not let them pull you in.

©2012 Cherie Boeneman

Politics (Haiku)

Politics slithers

quietly and evilly;

bites like a viper.

The Nature of Love

Sometimes love is a mistake;
all emotion and lust,
very little commitment.
and almost no trust.

Attraction can't do it all;
love is for the long haul,
lust is made for the moment;
means little at all..

Love's aim is important too.
who it is may be wrong
for us and really toxic:
do you get along?

The moral is straight forward:
aim at connection
if it is solid the rest 
comes with reflection.


©2012  C. Boeneman

Altered Reality

Disease melting sanity,
overreaching defenses,,
breaking down barriers
like a Hollywood horror.
Infecting a person's mind,
transforming personality,
distorting perceptions
and mind altering reality.
No one must know,
the alien must be hidden
inside and kept quiet;
It must not escape.
It cannot be contained
and finds it's way through
to the surface and shows
itself to an unsuspecting
world, which is unprepared
for the changed and afflicted
victim that was their friend.
It is mental illness.

Fall Changes (Haiku)

Summer green changes

First yellow green then yellow

While leaves change for Fall

All About Nothing

Surrounded by alone,
followed by frozen out,
damned with no praise,
screamed at by silence.

Alone in a crowd,
lost while at home,
damned among the saved,
believing among the doubts.

Paradox among dilemmas,
answers without questions,
punctuation without sentences,
all among nothing.


©2012  C. Boeneman

Our Future

What will the future be like?

Will we be hunger free?

Will we all live in peace
and have freedom from fear?

Or will there be more famine

with manufactured food

and war is seen as good
from sea to rising sea?

It depends on us right now,

what we say, what we do

to help force changes through.

We are the hope for earth.

Anacrostic 3

Demanding damnation
Excruciating existence
Anguished affliction
Terrifying torment
Horrifying Hell

Painful particularity
Loathsome living
Exasperating experiences
Agonizing attempts
Sympathetic suicide
Extra Effort

The Love of Evil

How does one love Evil?
Not how does one perform evil
but actually fall with passion?

I asked that as a youth
about Hitler and Eva Braun
Was it his powerful fashion?

I didn't know why then;
I am even more confused now
since I am the one involved.

He seemed at first glance, great.
Our views seemed to coincide
but over time they devolved.

What seemed great turned wicked.
Or was it sinister always
and he just hid it quite well?

Whichever, I am scared.
I want to walk away from him
but will we end in his Hell?

Trust

Trust is a fragile bird,
can be broken, like a wing;
easily, and can be deadly
to a love with just one word.

One action or statement
can be it all takes; a fling?
It has taken flight for good
unless love is undeterred.

Best advice: don't break trust
if you can stop the whole thing.
That avoids a world of hurt
for everyone in your world..

Sinking

Slipping,

Sliding away

Sinking into silence

Infinitely, Forever;

Quietly and alone.

Overwhelming sadness.

Stillness...

©2012 C. Boeneman

Lies (Haiku)

Lies consume the soul

Like moths making holes in wool;

Eat moral fiber.

The Final Stalker

Death is my stalker,

sitting outside my window,waiting;

coming to claim what is his;

commencing a final countdown

to my reality,

forever 

Paranoia

I wonder about paranoia sometimes;
that it's not paranoia if someone
is really out to get you;
if the suspicion is true.

It can be quite difficult to tell these days;
technology being so efficient,
people can spy upon you
and there may well be no clue.

You may be crazy, then again maybe not.
Or maybe both are at the same time true.
Paranoia could be there
as well as a real snare.

The solution to this issue is like this:
You should take the problem seriously
and act so as to stay sound;
better that then suffer wounds.

©2012 C. Boeneman

Volaric Limerick (republished)

There once was a Tea Bagger named Volaric

whose positions seemed quite barbaric

his congressional run

was really no fun

And his politics seemed quite generic.

© Cherie R. Boeneman 2012

*If you use this limerick please give me credit

Fire and Water

Fire and water don't blend
except when in my nightmare,
where fires ravage forests
while lake waters ascend.

Outside homes, fires are fought; 
water and extinguishers,
flames lapping like the water
in cottages nearby caught.

How these things coincide
I have not one conscious clue.
Total opposites they seem
yet together they abide.

Nightmares are such strange creatures;
they turn in weird directions
What meanings they have for us
Lie in these very features...

©2012  C. Boeneman

Every Breath

They told me I'd never again see you,
be near you or to touch you.
I cannot possibly live like that.
It is too much to comprehend.
I am overwhelmed with sadness, 
with grief beyond measure that
steals my breath and tears my heart.
I don't want to breathe again or
my heart to take it's next beat. 
I would rather have it all stop 
than to never see you or be near.
You are everything to me and
you do not even know that
my every breath is for you.
I would give my life for yours
without a second thought.
And I would rather die 
here and now, on the spot
than to never even say "good-bye".


©2012 C. Boeneman

* I needed to write this. It is, at last, the heart of my emotion and truth.

Heroes Are Rare.

I don't have heroes anymore
They are only people
and they eventually disappoint
if you set them to the fore.

Authentic heroes are quite rare
they are almost extinct.
To do something wholly selfless and brave
takes courage and love to spare.

It takes both qualities, not one.
One of them is fine, good
but doesn't make or equal a hero
just that something good is done.

To be a hero takes heart
and maybe some art too;
it's said, "courage is fear that said its prayers"
faith is what love imparts.


Love alone might make a saint,
courage marks a soldier.
But both together is very distinct;
it takes a fine brush to paint.

I'll Take It

Everything's fine,
everything's cool;
nothing to worry me,
the sun's started to shine.

The clouds are parting,
the rain is stopping.
A rainbow's appearing,
the colors are starting.

Where's the pot of gold,
the end of this bow?
I have no idea
but the fantasy holds.

Universe seems mild,
the stars seem aligned;
cosmos is auspicious,
heavens seem to have smiled. 

I'll take this time now
with deep gratitude,
knowing all things can change
any way, any how.

Echoes of Love

Love songs echoing, 
bouncing around off
my empty soul,
hitting my heart
with arrows of darkness.
Silence is the answer
to the song's questions;
heaviness of heart
and painful self-pity,
knowing the question
will never be answered.
The echoes ever reverberating
with nowhere to stop.
The darkness is vacuum
the pain is forever.
My love can never be answered.


©2012 C. Boeneman

Resources for Adults With Asperger's

When will there be resources for ADULTS on the Autism Spectrum?  There is a critical shortage as autistic/Asperger's children grow up to be adults and for those who already are. Who will take this critical need seriously? Where are the researchers, where are those trained to diagnose adults? Where are those trained to help smooth the transition into society? Those who can help train for jobs, for living independently,etc? So far the need far outstrips the supply. See this from PBS: http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/health/jan-june11/autism5adults_04-22.html  and this:http://www.jobs4autism.com/adults-struggle-with-lack-of-services/ . The stories are seemingly endless, including my own. There was no diagnosis when I was a child,so I am looking for resources as an adult. I can't even find someone who can diagnose me. especially since I am unemployed, the common issue for adults with Asperger's even though we are intelligent and talented  and extremely honest. The lack of social skills keeps us from living up to our potential as does the continued discrimination and stigma surrounding the condition. If only there were the resources, people on the high end of the Autism spectrum could contribute in a meaningful way to society and the economy. One option is to provide internships to help prepare us for the workplace. The problem is that most internships are designed for college students without special challenges. They are often seen to be cheap labor. What the adults on the high end of the Autism Spectrum need are internships especially designed for their particular challenges, and that would take a lot of work. Who is willing to put that kind of effort into providing assistance to someone with Aspergers? That is the challenge. That and the research required and the trained professionals and the money. 

So we call on the State and Federal Government to provide for these needs. They will pay off in the long run as we enter the workforce and pay taxes. NIH and NIMH could facilitate much of the research required. Please, someone hear our plea! It makes sense. It is the right thing to do.

Soon

It's coming up soon
my turn to leave.
It'll be opportune
though  you may grieve.

I cannot stay here,
I must go now;
it's time to disappear,
to die, I  vow.

The pain is too great,
with no reprieve
and is a constant state;
don't preconceive.

Oppressive,
it is extreme;
seems to be progressive,
I want to scream.

Let me go now,
don't hold me here
anyway you know how;
my death is near.

Ode to Death

There is much to be said for the grim.
The blackness that calls funeral hymns.
The ravens gather as if to celebrate
another soul left to seek the one Gate.
There is freedom in the leaving;
There is infinite tapestry weaving.
The seal of the final, wax from the ring.
Chorus from the netherworld sings.

The tunnel awaits, so does the light,
but what lies beyond is an unknown sight.
Seek it or fear it,  THAT is the question.
To be or not to be is the same equation.
Many are drawn to the power of light
energy that draws souls to the bright.
But some are afraid of the power therein
and shun the light due to original sin.

Darkness can be comforting to these;
the quiet and coldness offer peace.
Some seek it from the very start
knowing they don't deserve to take part.
So they seek the dusty, dank grave
knowing that their soul can't be saved.
It's  a good thing they seek then,
eternal quiet for those women and men.

Turning It In

I hereby turn in my soul.
I think I am done with it.
You can have it back.
Anyway, it doesn't fit.

It always was way too large
for a person small minded;
couldn't stretch that far,
The brightness of it blinded.

The body sought rejection
from the very beginning.
They should have melded
but there was no imprinting.

At last, I could take no more,
the pain was way too much
I have to leave now
And abandon it as such.

Thanks for the loan, I never
intended it this way.
I tried hard, you know,
I just cannot stay.

Divine Punishment

"You are a punishment from God,"
they say with such certainty.
I know they believe it;
it's hard not to feel odd.

Yes, I'm unique and different
maybe with some social quirks.
But am I a sanction
from the Divine Referent?

It sure feels that way many times,
like I'm  totally worthless,
that I have no place here,
my being a cosmic crime,

I do not want to live this way,
I do not want to exist.
I want to escape life
and finally go away.

©2012 C. Boeneman